My big adventure pt 1

Hello!  Welcome to the first installment of my adventures.  My name is Avina and I will be taking you through some things I've gone through in my adventures in Eorzia.

Today, I met a very strange man.  His name was Hildibrand.  He wasn't very smart...took a lot of credit and has no idea that I am the damned Warrior of Light.  Treats me like his little bitch.  But then again, most do.  Save their gods damned planet and treated like a gods damned...

ANYROAD

So Hildibrand, Hildy, Hil, The Hildster, Hildarama, Hildmania, yeah him.  So him.  We'll get to him tomorrow.

Today I decided to try a more passive approach to doing things in my travels.  I decided to lay down my fists and take up a staff and become a conjurer.  Some friends of mine suggested since I was learning in the Palace of the Dead (Dreadful place, my fur was a mess), that I should take up weaving, as well as botony to keep up my outfits as they get ripped and torn throughout the battles.  This one time, I was with Lyse, and in a dress when we sparred just for fun, right?  Well, one of her fist weapons caught my dress, tore it right off.  I ended up standing there naked as my nameday!  Lyse enjoyed it.  So much so we ended up going back to her room and...anyroad...moving along <ahem>

This taught me the importance of gear upkeep!   So I was like you know, you're right.  I'm going to take up weaving!  So I did.  It was quite an experience.  I must have stabbed myself multiple times attempting to thread needle.  Then they wanted me to chop at trees for things, and ugh.  Too much work right?  I'm the damned Warrior of Light, I don't need to be doing all that!  It's absurd!  So I went to the guy that runs the conj guild and was like HEY, MY DUDE, I need new outfits.  So he was like well, ok.  But first you must go cleanse all these bad spirits. So, being the Warrior of Light, I don't know if i mentioned that or not...but I'm the Warrior of Light...and being thus, I decided ok, ill slip on my fist weapons and go pound these...
"Take this wand, and this shield,and go forth and slay them using magic."
Magic?
"Magic."
Well...ok.  Then they sent this whiny little girl with me too.  She was cute, not as cute as Lyse, but she moped and whined the entire time, mother this mother that mother this.  Child you have mommy issues, but at least you didn't call me Daddy.  Or Old Girl.  I would have bitchpawed you into last week for that one.  Damn Ishguardian always calling me Old Girl.  Might be the son of a noble but it wont stop me from slapping you like Alphinaud.

Anyroad.  So I went on in these ugly robes right, and I did all the things this dude asked me, with the whiny one at my side.  Eventually, we had to fight a flying eyeball with a tail thaat was causing all this corruption.  Why they couldn't do it in the FIRST place is beyond me.  I am the Warrior of Light, I don't know if I mentioned that or not, I could take it down easily!  But nope.  They wanted magic.  MAGIC.   So I dropped a ton of boulders on it's head..eye...flying eye...whatever it is, and eventually killed it.  Then after the young girl went insane and was rolling laughing on the ground, though she did look kinda cute doing it, in a child like way, we went back to the conjurers guild.  My Dude was there again, and he's like yeah good job you did it.  BUT THERE'S MORE!

Man, really?  I am the Warrior of Light, I might have said that.  Why am I being sent on these stupid duties to help the Seed-Seers siblings?  Furthermore, she was in the original war with Bahamut, then sent 5 years into the future.  What about her siblings?  When were they born?  How did they survive?  CONSPIRACY PEOPLE.  I'm tellin ya, the Calamity was all a lie made up by the City-States to pacify us people!  THERE WAS NO CALAMITY AND HER SIBLINGS PROVE IT.  Anyroad.   So I went over, and i saw the two that helped bring Ysholta back from the dead.  Brought her back naked mind you.  Mmm-mmm...she is one fine feline.  So anyhow, the dude, the brother, TOTAL prick!  Bigger prick that Alphy ver could hope to be, and that's saying something!  So. I was given this crystal thingy that made me a white mage from some old dude's ghost, I guess.  Brother Douche Bag was not happy.  He was PISSED.  I mean, P I S S E D.  He said I didn't deserve it.  Bitch I am the Warrior of Light!  I deserve ALL the praise and gods damn worship!  I'm bigger than the Twelve!  But nope.  He was a douche bag.  So you know what?  I said screw it.  Went back to the guild and chatted with my girl who was like hey, I hear there's a unicorn wounded out in the forest, you should go heal it before Brother Douche bag gets wind of it!

Unicorn?  SAY NO MORE!  I ran over as fast as I could, I'm sure I bowled a few people over, but I don't care.  See, I'm a big thing in Grianadia.  I'm the Warrior of Light, you see.  So they can suffer.  I ran out there, and I saw this unicorn!  It was hurt!  I quickly cast a heal spell on it, and WHOOSH, he was all "Hey thanks Warrior of Light!  Did I mention you're the hottest woman in all the land?"  then I was all
"Why thank you Unicorn, I'm so glad you think so!  I shall name you Sue."
The unicorn was all "But my name is..."
"Stuff it whitey.  I saved your ass, you are now a horse named Sue."
"But I'm a male..."
"You now identify as a female and I shall mount you and ride you all over the lands good and hard."
The unicorn looked a bit taken aback at this, but nevertheless he agreed to my terms.  So now, I have Sue, the unicorn, who will let me ride him all over the place, because that's how amazing being the Warrior of Light is.

So, ladies and gents and you disgusting tiny things that I want to punt every time I see you, that's my ramblings for today.  Tomorrow we shall discuss this Hildibrand character!